Family

Many of you know that I lost my brother this week. It was not sudden, but still very painful for our family. I have been trying to think of the best way to post a tribute to him here for everyone to understand the love that we all had for him. I think the best tribute that I can make is not necessarily to share stories and information about him, but about my entire family. Bear with me, because this will likely be a really long post and I'm not the best at putting thoughts into words.

At the memorial service yesterday several people spoke about Robby (Robert is what he preferred as an adult, but he’ll always be Robby to me!). They all said many nice things about him. One of the nicest sentiments made was about the service itself, by a very close friend of mine over the phone this morning – she said that it was a nice service and it made her feel like everyone was the same, that there were no racial barriers or prejudices. I know I’m not quoting you correctly, Brandy, but what you said meant so much to me because I have always felt this way about my family. (However, the warm feelings provoked by the memorial service were not from the love of my family alone, but from that of Robby's dad's family, Reggie's family, and all of Rob's wonderful friends which made it such a great service.) Robby was gay and was part of a very loving, bi-racial relationship with Reginald Moore for 20 years. They had their ups and downs like all long term relationships do, but they loved each other dearly and our family loved the both of them and consider Reggie a part of our family and always will. My heart is aching for him because I know that he has a very long road of grief and recovery ahead of him, just as any man would after losing a spouse.

We spent many Christmases together as a family, with Robby and Reggie there as well as my sister – who was also in a bi-racial relationship and who produced 2 of the most wonderful children you will ever meet. But we all loved each other and always welcomed anyone who loved us back. These Christmases were spent at my grandmother and grandfather’s house. You’d think that having been from the “older generation” that they would never have accepted gays and black people into their home, but it was quite the contrary. There was nothing but love – because although my sister and Joe are no longer together, he loved her and she loved him and they love their children. That’s all that matters. The same goes for Reggie – he loves Robby and Robby loved him and isn’t that all we ever want for our children, our brothers, our sisters, our family? I have always felt so proud of the acceptance that my family shows for others. I’m not going to lie and say that it was always that way – sure, there was shock and disbelief in the beginning, but it’s how my family has moved on from that and learned to accept and love anyway that constantly amazes me and makes me so proud to be a part of it. I am also so thankful to have a husband who has accepted my “different” family from the first time he met them. After having a conversation with him last night, I learned that he too thinks so highly of my family for the way we all love each other. I am blessed in so many ways!

I have so many great memories of times with all of my family around me. I also have so many regrets of time that I should have spent with Robby, but there is nothing I can do about it now so I try not to let it overwhelm me. I got to speak to him the night he died – he was too weak to hold the phone so my mom held it to his ear for me. I was crying and told him that I loved him. He managed to squeak out an “I love you too.” He was unable to speak at all just hours after that phone call. That was at about 7:45pm, Sept 17 and he passed away at 2:15am on Sept 18. I am so thankful that I got the opportunity to tell him how much I loved him before he passed. I know he knew already, but it is still something that I will hold onto for the rest of my life. I will always miss him, but I know he is no longer suffering and I am so very thankful for that. I love you Robby.